I'm not bitter but...

So here is the big reveal....

but first let me tell you a little background info (even though no one reads this, I wouldn't want anyone to be confused).

Ever since I was 8 years old I have been a cheerleader. I love love love it. It's my total fave. For a few years (middle school) I stopped cheering, but when my friends convinced me to tryout for the high school squad at the end of my 8th grade year I became hooked again. I did high school cheer for 3 years and now I am in my second year of all-star (competitive) cheer. I was the TOTAL cliché. Cheer captain, blonde, blue eyes etc etc... I even dated the quarter back for awhile. I know, I know... is this really the cat lady talking? yes, that's me. Not what you were expecting? Well keep in mind I said I WAS dating him, past tense. But I digress.

Anyways, around my sophomore year I began my longing to attend BYU (Provo) so that I could study exercise science and wellness, cheer on their National Champion squad, and just be a cool pretty BYU Cougar. So I worked hard, extra-curriculars, honors classes, good letters of recommendation, volunteer work, varsity sports (yes plural, I was a varsity runner on the track team), etc... etc... And for the one semester of my senior year (I graduated a semester early), I worked on that application EVERY DAY during my independent study. My mom reviewed it, my teachers reviewed it, and so on. I had an interview with the stake president and my bishop and felt so strongly that I was MEANT to be there. Prior to my senior semester, I had gone to a BYU cheer camp on campus for 4 days and was in HEAVEN I belonged there.... to be continued.

Another dream I had all through high school was to be a UCA Cheerleading staff member. Which is basically a cheerleaders dream job. You literally just get to travel and teach cheerleading to people who love it just as much as you do. And YOU GET PAID, IT'S A JOB!!! I was always told by coaches, choreographers, and other staff members that I would get in so easy and I was so excited. I worked hard to have all of my tumbling, jumps, stunting, cheers and dances ready for my tryout, and had a great tryout! I felt absolutely amazing about how everything went and I got great feedback from the judges.... to be continued.

So here's the part you were all waiting for you. "TO BE CONTINUED"... my letters from both BYU and UCA read (basically) as follows.

Dear Marly,

We are sorry to inform you that you have not been chosen to join our program at this time. We encourage you to reapply in the following years.

Sincerely,
Us

However.... I read it like this.

Dear whoever you are,

Why did you even try? Did you really think any of this was gonna pan out? Like honestly what were you thinking??

Sincerely,
your broken dreams and lost ambitions.

Okay so that sounds a little harsh but honestly getting both of those rejection letters killed me. I took it like a champ and kept moving forward with my life but I really did experience a deep depression about it, especially BYU. I had to redo all of my plans for this fall, where should I go to school? Where do I work? Should I move out? Should I leave AZ? What now?? And for awhile I just tried to not think of any of it. I had other things to think about at that time that were important right then. So I just figured it would all pan out.

I don't want you to think I am still in some awful downward spiral of depression, don't worry I'm stable! Yes, it hurts that nothing I was planning on doing actually happened, it's upsetting that I don't get to move on to the things I told EVERYONE I was gonna do. BUT I AM OKAY, and getting better. Although it doesn't help that every cute boy I meet is going up to BYU this fall. Hmmph.

I sincerely believe that there is a reason that I was made to stay here in AZ, that I was meant to be here for some reason. So I am gonna go with the flow and see where the wind blows me. I have plans for the fall semester and winter semester and when I get to that point I will see where I need to be.

Maybe I'll be doing something awesome and know I should stay here, or maybe I will feel like I should reapply to BYU and go there, maybe (this is a big maybe) I'll get married.

Cross your fingers for me.

Love, the Cat Lady.

It's been awhile...

Okay blog, HI, it's me the Cat Lady. I know we haven't spoken in awhile but I'm here. What's up? I think that I don't write on my blog because people don't actually follow me or anything. I am thinking about cheating on you and opening a tumblr account because I could probably have more followers on there. Who knows though so here I am writing on you. Hmmph. Well, this post is really just to say that a lot has changed, but DON'T YOU WORRY, I'm still the same old cat lady I was last time I posted. BUT I did dye (aka bleach) my hair back to it's former glory. I refuse to accept that it is turning brown like the rest of my family. Oh, and I finished high school. So I'm a grown up now I guess. Hmmmm, weird. Okay, I will post something real next, I promise!

Love,
The Cat Lady.

I like Mexican food, but that doesn't mean I hate Chinese food.

SO. my most recent FaceBook status said the same thing (pretty much) as the title of this blog post. I think it is a good example of what I have been thinking about all day. As none of you probably know (I say "you" as if someone actually reads this blog but I don't think that actually is true) I am an employee at Chick-fil-a. And recently I have learned a few things about myself that other people have pointed out to me in a round about way. I am CLOSE MINDED. I am a HOMOSEXUAL HATER. I am an EVIL CHRISTIAN seeking to DESTROY LOVE. But here are a few things people never asked my opinion on.

Do I hate homosexual people?
NO. Absolutely NOT. In no way shape or form have I ever hated someone for their choice to love or be in a relationship with someone their same sex. It does not bother me nor does it make me think any less of them. One of the best people in my life is a lesbian, and I love her with my whole heart. She is a wonderful person. Just because I personally believe in traditional marriage does not mean that I hate anyone that believes in things to the contrary of that. I also believe in not drinking alcohol or smoking ever, but that does not mean I think that people who smoke or drink are inherently and absolutely awful, they are people, it is their life and their belief.

As a Mormon, am I taught to hate Homosexuals?
NO. Never once have I ever heard an LDS church leader say anything negative or offensive towards homosexuals. We are taught that traditional marriage is what God intended for us, but that some people make different life decisions. I asked the question in a church meeting one day when a few of my friends came out, the leader I asked explained that just because people make decisions that we don't personally believe in, does not mean that we are better than or more important to Heavenly Father then them. It isn't up to me to judge anyone for any of their decisions, it is up to me to love those I meet for who THEY ARE and not who I AM. Often I am asked "do Mormons hate Gays?" and when I try to explain what I just explained to you, they often rebut my explanation by giving an example of an LDS person hating on Gay or Lesbian individuals. For this I am often very sad and embarrassed. As a Church we are encouraged to love one another and not bash other peoples beliefs just because they are contrary to our own, but, sadly, there are always people that do not take that message to heart, and so they make ethnocentric judgments of people that are different. This is not the LDS way, nor the Christian way. There is a GOOD and RIGHT way to believe what you believe and still love others for their own beliefs.

I know, I know, I'm ranting yet again, but I digress.

The point of this blog post is that I believe the world is so focused on pointing out other peoples close mindedness that they aren't looking at how close minded they are being. Just because the Cathy family (Chick-Fil-A's founding family) believes in the biblical definition of marriage and family does not mean that they hate Gay individuals nor does it mean that Chick-Fil-A is anti-gay as a company. Today I saw lots of wonderful people that support Chick-Fil-A despite the beliefs of one man, people surprised the car behind them in the drive-thru by buying their meal for them, and not one person said anything bad about homosexuals or the beliefs of others. I am sure we will see plenty of back lash on Friday as people come in to protest the beliefs of one man. But isn't disliking his beliefs the same as him disliking yours? Before you decide to bash on Chick-fil-a and the Cathy family, ask yourself if you would want people to treat you that way, to treat your beliefs that way. Is it really any different?


Want to know more about the LDS church?
http://mormon.org/
http://www.lds.org/?lang=eng

Want to know more about Chick-Fil-A and the Cathy family? Th
http://www.truettcathy.com/
http://www.cathyfamily.com/

That's all for now!
Love,
The Cat Lady!

Soooo, it's been a lousy little while

I don't know what is up with me. I am very bipolar lately. I am sad but nothing is really wrong or anything. It's a strange sensation. I mostly blame early senioritis. It's getting bad, I am absolutely DONE with school. It's been a much better year than years past but it has been hard none the less. Satan throws opposition at you from every angle.

Recently I have found myself being really angry with people. Not for the things that they've done to me, because those details are minute in the scheme of things. But just for being there in plain sight. I am having crazy mood swings where I just cannot handle these people that I used to love so much. I'm not talking about my family though which I am very grateful for. Just friends at school. I cannot go a day without thinking to myself "I really don't want to sit here and talk to you" or "I really do not want to be your friend" but at the same time I don't want to hurt them because I know somewhere inside of me I absolutely love them. It's been tough.

On the other hand I have grown close to those who haven't been bothering me, those people have helped me a lot through this transition and I am very grateful for them.

I have also found myself more and more angry at people in relationships. I just want to talk to my friends and not have to deal with their significant other always hovering around them. I want my guy best friend back, I want to be able to be his best friend again without his girlfriend always around. It's all really just selfishness, in all reality. I know that I can't just take people away from each other and that that would be wrong of me to do, but I can't help but dream. I see so many people being strangled in a relationship that it makes love look like a common commodity. It's not something awesome anymore. More often then not the couple is fighting and being awful to one another, and I just don't see the point in such a meaningless relationship. And sex is the only way to fix it to them. If that was the basis of your relationship then why bother?

That's enough bable. Ta Ta for now.

Love,

The Cat Lady

Things I just don't understand...

Why are we taught certain things in Elementary school that eventually are contradicted in high school? In math it happens all the time. Division with remainders are not even real numbers, nor is it useful at all. You really NEVER have to write in cursive in high school and college despite what your 4th grade teacher tells you.

And then even in high school you are taught things that aren't totally true.

For example, when you learn about how incredible Martin Luther King Jr. was you never learn the other things about him. That he was a womanizer, and cheated on his wife. Or that he preferred white women to black women. Or when you learn about JFK you never are taught that he too was a womanizer and an adulterer. Though, his relationships are much more widely known in the public, they are hidden in the education system. I did a report on the affairs of JFK for a project once and thought it was fascinating how well they kept that from the public. And even in some southern schools they do not teach that the south lost the civil war, they teach that it is not yet over, and the south is still fighting for their honor.

Life is subjective, I know that. And I understand that we are trying to "protect" the youth from any horrors, or sadness. But I also know that knowledge is power, and ignorance is powerless. I don't think that it is a good or bad idea to teach this way, personally I don't like it, but I understand it's purpose.

Even in school you find out things that when a child you never thought possible. Like the fact that there are still groups out there in the world that are "anti-black, anti-mormon, anti-....etc.." It is amazing to also realize you have friends that support the opinions of these people. And while you try your hardest to accept people as they are and not judge their opinions it is very disconcerting. I have recently found out that I have a friend that is Anti-Mormon and her family is racist against blacks. I love her. And I have never conflicted with her because I am not her judge. I am saddened that she doesn't like Mormons because I am one, and it makes me sad that her family is racist towards blacks because both her and I are good friends with a lot of black people.

As a child we are ignorant because of our vulnerability, but as we mature we are vulnerable because of our ignorance.

Some things I don know though, are that we cannot progress without and expanse of knowledge and a drop of prejudice and judgement. "Our nation" said my history teacher, "has not disagreed like they are disagreeing now since the civil war,". I don't have a political view because I have not studied recent politics enough to form an opinion (so I am ignorant) but I will NOT make an ignorant decision as to whom I will support. I am able to vote in the next presidential election and I will be an informed voter. I will not vote because of their slogans or the t-shirts made for them. I want to be able to make a good decision in order to make a difference in the nation that I live in and love.

Sorry for the intensity of that. I know I don't usually post such controversial things, but it has been on my mind.

Love,

The Cat Lady!

I want to...

I've been stressing myself out lately. I don't know what I am doing.

I want to sing again, I want to dance more, I want to run, I want to be kissed in the rain, I want to get out of school, I want to go to anywhere out of Arizona, I want to dye my hair pink, I want to win all my cheer competitions, I want to see my football team win, I want to have good grades.

I want to be remembered, I don't want to be stressed out.

Sincerely,

The Cat Lady

Well here's the story !

Summer has been fun. Though not much of it has been documented on pictures, BUMMER. Well, I have gone on a trek, gone to Utah, to girls camp, to two cheer camps, and just had lots of fun.

In the process I have read 3 books. I re-read "the color purple" I love everything about that book. I read, "A raisin in the Sun" a play about a black american family in Chicago that experienced segregation often. And I am now reading, "Uncle tom's Cabin" so far so great!

School starts soon and I am having mixed emotions about it. Excitement/sadness. But its a fun experience I guess. Hello Junior year.

Here are a few pics of things I have recently become obsessed with :)

My new boyfriend :)

Nordstrom music :) from the fashion lounge.

not the pic I meant to post but, I have become obsessed with Elephant Tattoos recently :)

Well. Ta-ta for now!

Love,

The Cat Lady