Recently, I have been faced with some of the biggest decisions of my life. Most of you probably know (wait... does anyone even read this really?) but for those who don't, I moved to Utah August 15th! This was obviously a very big change that affected every aspect of my life and it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. Lately I've been reflecting on how this decision all came to be and how just the act of making the decision has made such a huge impact on my life. So, if you're interested I would like to share {parts} of my story and what I have learned from it.
Side Note: this post will have a lot of information about how my Heavenly Father impacted this choice and the ways he has helped me through it all. If you have any questions about my faith and the guiding power and courage it has given me, please just ask! Or, visit Mormon.org
About a year ago I moved back to Mesa after staying the summer at my parents house to save up some money for a new car. I moved in with my Great Grandmother, she lived nearby a friend of mine so I decided to go to this friends YSA ward rather than the actual ward I was in, so that I would have at least one friend to get me up and running in this new area (I know, so scandalous!). This was decision 1, and this decision proved to be one of the best ones I have ever made. I quickly became friends with some of the very best people in the world. Highgroves Ward was one of the biggest blessings in my life EVER. For the first time in a long time I felt excited to go to church every week, I earnestly wanted to fulfill my calling 100% and I felt that the Gospel was once again making me unbelievably happy. In this environment I flourished. I made lifelong friends, I fell in love, and I found myself. I became unexplainably happy and it showed in all aspects of my life. I never got any sleep but it was always worth it. Some of the very best memories of my life are with those amazing people in Mesa, and I will forever be grateful for that time in my life. However, around this time I got very very sick. Every morning I woke up insanely nauseous. I couldn't eat anything, I puked non-stop and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I lost around 20 pounds and I was scared out of my mind. Some days were better than others, but I had no control over it. I couldn't figure out what was causing it and no matter what I tried I still felt awful every day. One day I woke up and it was at it's absolute worst, I laid in bed crying and dry heaving and I told myself that I couldn't do it anymore. I was going to drop out of school that day because I just couldn't get myself to get up and pretend that I wasn't sick another day. I was convinced that that was my only option. Then, I made a decision.
Decision 2 was to, instead of dropping out of school, get up and just go {again}. "Fake it till I make it" one more time. I knew my brother was on campus that day so I asked him to meet me at the institute building and give me a priesthood blessing. He of course said yes, and gave me one assisted by one of our institute instructors. I have had a lot of priesthood blessings but this one was one of the most important blessings I had ever received. I hadn't asked for any help from my Heavenly Father in regards to this sickness I was experiencing before this blessing. I cried harder than I had in a long time throughout the blessing and continued to cry while Vance hugged me in the hallway of the MCC institute building after it was over. After that blessing I felt renewed and felt a closeness to my Heavenly Father that I hadn't felt in awhile, though I was active in the Gospel. It didn't automatically heal me, but it did renew my resilience and strengthened me so that I could push through it. I still wake up sometimes sick but after that blessing I started to feel much better. Finding this closeness with My Heavenly Father helped lead me to my next decision.
Decision 3 started out as a very faint feeling and turned into the biggest decision I have ever made. Yes, you guessed it, this was the decision to move to Utah. It started out as a small feeling. I had never entertained the thought of moving out of Arizona because I was so in love with my life there. However, when the thought first creeped into my mind I couldn't get it out. I obsessed over the thought for a few days before I said anything to anyone, but it was so undeniably evident to me that this might be a great idea. I couldn't pin why it felt so right but for some reason it did. The first person I told was my mom. I think I texted her way casual like "hey, I'm thinking about moving to Utah to go to UVU". She, after the initial surprise and shock, of course, was so supportive of the idea and shot down every doubt I had in my mind. Next, I talked to my boss (and BFF) Brandis Farrelly. When I went into her office that day a part of me was kind of hoping she would talk me out of it. I sort of wanted her to tell me that she thought it was a bad idea or that she needed me to stay (how cocky, right?). Even though I knew that the Lord was telling me it was a good idea. But instead she smiled, nodded her head, and said "I've been waiting for you to finally decide to go, and I think it is a great idea". I was FLOORED. We cried for a little sitting in her office and then I made her promise she wouldn't tell anyone. After that day I began to train for my tryout for the UVU cheer squad. This was probably around the beginning of January. The next few months were good. I told all of my co-workers that I just wanted to get into shape and that's why I was coming early everyday to tumble and why I was conditioning with my athletes every night. I was happy and continued to enjoy my life in Mesa. I did go through losing a relationship that meant the world to me, and though this was one of the most discouraging things that could've possibly happened, I instead let it encourage me to stay super busy and work harder than I ever have before. Training for my tryout was a great distraction and so, though I was hurting, I was able to push through it. My tryout was the week after nationals and so the week leading up to nationals Brandis and I made the announcement to the staff (not the athletes) at AZ Fusion. They were sad but so excited for me.
The night before we left for nationals I was home alone packing for both nationals and my tryout (since I would only be home 24 hours before leaving for Utah). All of a sudden everything in me felt like it didn't work anymore. I froze in my bedroom staring at my bags. I began to shake and then fell to my knees. I was having the biggest panic attack I had ever experienced. I remember feeling like I couldn't breath. I was crying and screaming (thank goodness I was alone) and I couldn't get myself to calm down. Somehow I managed to call my mom and put her on speaker phone, she was able to calm me down but the panic attack caused me to question everything. I decided I would finish packing in the morning and crawled into my bed. I laid there sobbing, wondering if my decision was still a good one. If it was, why was I so scared, so panicked? Eventually I fell asleep, but in the middle of the night I woke up with a clear thought in my head; "no matter what happens, you're going to UVU". It was the clearest prompting from the spirit of the Lord I had ever had. After that I slept through the rest of the night peacefully. When I woke up to leave the next day I was still very shaken up but I was able to go to nationals and enjoy every minute. I still hadn't told my athletes that I was leaving so we were able to just enjoy nationals like normal. We returned home Sunday evening, I worked Monday evening, we celebrated my roommate/bestie Kaitlyns birthday that night and I was all set to leave Tuesday morning.
Something I learned about making big decisions: SATAN DOES NOT WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO THE LORD.
That morning we had some of the worst luck ever. We were off to a very late start already when I received a heartbreaking phone call from my best friend. I sat on the curb talking to her for awhile delaying our departure even more. My mom and I talked about what had happened with her and cried together in the car, it was the worst start to one of the biggest trips I had ever made. Later, while we were on the freeway the tire on our car blew. Like completely shredded. Note: WE HADN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUT OF PHOENIX YET. And to make things worse, I was the one driving (I hate driving and this had never happened to me before). So, we backed up ON THE FREEWAY to get on to the off ramp and then chugged (barely) to the nearest big o tires. An hour later and a brand new tire we were back on the road. Everything went well the rest of the trip, (except my mom had to take quite a few potty breaks, love you mom!). But, as we pulled into Orem (around 1am), it started to SNOW. Yes, that's right. We left Arizona at 8am and it was 100 degrees already and we got to Orem and it was snowing. We were obviously not prepared but the next day, in our flip flops, we made our way to UVU for day 1 of tryouts.
This is where the story gets sad for a little bit. So, I'm gonna keep it short and sweet. My tryout was so awesome! I felt so confident and felt like I couldn't have done any better. However, on day 2 (the actual tryout) I was cut in the first round. WHAT?! I know, crazy. I don't know if I completely over estimated how I did and I am actually way not good or what but I walked out of there so defeated. I went straight to the bathroom and cried in a stall so no one would see me. I didn't know why this was happening to me and I didn't want to wrap my brain around it. I LOVE cheerleading, and for the last 6 years that is all I have done. So uh, what now? Am I being punked? Hold up rewind... WHAT??? However, that same thought that I had a few days earlier came back to me while I sat in the front of the school waiting for my mom to come pick me up, "no matter what happens, you're going to UVU." I sat there silently thinking about it. Why was I supposed to go through all of the hard work and preparation, just to be shut down in the first round of tryouts? I was angry, but I kept reminding myself to have a good attitude and not let it show how angry I was. I remember my mom talking to someone on the phone later that night about how I hadn't made the squad, and she said "yeah, she doesn't even care, I don't think she's even that sad". So apparently, I had done a pretty good job. I did however, tell her that I was in fact sad and very angry but that I was trying really hard not to be.
I returned home the next day and resumed work at AZ Fusion Cheer. I was set to work for the rest of the summer and most of August, and then head up to Utah August 15th. I am so unbelievably grateful for the summer I had and that I was able to continue to coach such amazing athletes at the most amazing gym in Arizona. Without the love and support of my co-workers, my boss, my athletes, and the parents of my athletes, along with my friends and family, I wouldn't have had the strength to leave Arizona. The Lord put me in the exact right place at the exact right time in the fall of 2011 when I showed up for my first open gym. And his promptings that led to me trying out in 2012 led my life in the best direction and blessed me in indescribable ways.
And now, we are reaching the end of my story. On August 15th, 2015 I moved to Orem, Utah to attend UVU. I have been here for 79 days now, and despite being homesick every once in awhile, being unbelievably poor, and getting sick numerous times, I am absolutely the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Everyday I wake up for my 4:30am custodial job and I'm not mad about it. I go to school all day, and then I get to coach cheer every night. By the time I get back into bed it has been an 18-19 hour day, and I know that I will have to wake up and do it all again tomorrow. And I am so happy to do it. Life is so good if we just embrace every moment and find all of the best things in it.
My freshman year of college in an institute class at Chandler-Gilbert Community College (Go Coyotes!) My instructor was talking about how we needed to not only listen to the promptings of the spirit or the teachings of the gospel but that we need to allow the messages to enter into our hearts. This struck a chord with me, because it made me aware of my responsibility to open my heart and receive what the Lord was trying to tell me. I am so grateful that I learned this principle so long ago, because the Lord obviously had big plans for me and since I allowed them to enter into my heart, I was able to fully follow him and understand how these plans would bless me.
I am so eternally grateful for the love, support, and guidance my parents have offered me throughout not only this journey but also throughout my entire life. I have been so blessed to be raised in the family I was and I hope one day I can be half the person my parents are.
I know I say this every time I write, and maybe this time I really will, but I am going to write more!! I will I swear. And I will keep you all updated on this crazy life of mine.
TaTa for now,
Love,
The Cat Lady
