Growing Up is Awkward

Have you ever been in that place in your life when you're like too old to be a kid but yet too young to be an adult??? That's kind of where I am right now I think. I like to call it awkward.

When a girl is age 11-13 those are considered the awkward years right? Nothing fits right, you start caring about boys, you have to deal with those lady problems all coming at you at once and on top of all that you have these CRAZYYYY hormones that make you HATE everyone but LOVE them at the same time and it is so awkward. I remember being bothered by my own awkwardness. It was seriously such a big deal to me but now that I am 19 and I am pretty comfortable with myself the awkwardness is coming in different waves now... For example, I live with my parents which really isn't a big deal but maybe it is?? Do people think less of me cause I live with my mommy?? OR maybe people think its immature?? I know in reality people probably don't care but like hello that is a HUGE decision, (which I made and I am moving out holla at me). Another one?? My friends are starting to get into real relationships like ADULT relationships where they are getting engaged to BE MARRIED. And I am literally sitting here like uh hello you guys wanna go to the mall this weekend?? Oh, you have a date right okay and then I just watch Netflix on my moms couch or in my bed all weekend.

Okay so yeah it's awkward. I have a lot of decisions to make but I feel like I have absolutely no right to make any of the decisions for myself. I'm on the border of wanting all my independence all the time but still wanting my mom to take me to the doctor when I am sick, does that make sense? Or am I the only awkward Young Adult??

Well, you'll be happy to know that I have made some grown up decisions recently. I bought a car, I have 2 serious jobs, I am going to school full time, annnnnd I am moving into my own place THIS week. Are you proud of me? I thought so.

Have a great weekend people who read my blog (if you exist). I love you all.

Love,

The Cat Lady.

A rock and a hard place...

Finding ones dream job usually takes a lot of going to school, job experience, and years of working other not so great jobs in order to score the dream job. So, what does someone do for all of those years if she has already gotten her dream job?

That's where I am at right now.

I'm 19, in my freshman year of college, fresh out of high school and already working my dream job... so what next? Why does it feel like my life still hasn't started? Why am I still waiting for what is gonna happen next?

I obviously can give a lot of the credit to still living with my parents and not being out on my own because even though I do have a large amount of independence I still find myself wishing that I didn't live here. I am constantly looking to find a place to move to, a car to buy (so that I am not dependent on my parents car they gave me), and ways to make extra income (aside from my 2 jobs) but why? Why is it so important to get out of my parents house when I am so happy? Does this antsy feeling happen to everyone my age??

But I digress, I am happy with my life. I am blessed to have my dream job and I am blessed to live in a comfortable home with my family. Maybe I am antsy to leave but maybe that's because amazing things are in store.

Stay Tuned for my next big move.

The Cat Lady...

I'm not bitter but...

So here is the big reveal....

but first let me tell you a little background info (even though no one reads this, I wouldn't want anyone to be confused).

Ever since I was 8 years old I have been a cheerleader. I love love love it. It's my total fave. For a few years (middle school) I stopped cheering, but when my friends convinced me to tryout for the high school squad at the end of my 8th grade year I became hooked again. I did high school cheer for 3 years and now I am in my second year of all-star (competitive) cheer. I was the TOTAL cliché. Cheer captain, blonde, blue eyes etc etc... I even dated the quarter back for awhile. I know, I know... is this really the cat lady talking? yes, that's me. Not what you were expecting? Well keep in mind I said I WAS dating him, past tense. But I digress.

Anyways, around my sophomore year I began my longing to attend BYU (Provo) so that I could study exercise science and wellness, cheer on their National Champion squad, and just be a cool pretty BYU Cougar. So I worked hard, extra-curriculars, honors classes, good letters of recommendation, volunteer work, varsity sports (yes plural, I was a varsity runner on the track team), etc... etc... And for the one semester of my senior year (I graduated a semester early), I worked on that application EVERY DAY during my independent study. My mom reviewed it, my teachers reviewed it, and so on. I had an interview with the stake president and my bishop and felt so strongly that I was MEANT to be there. Prior to my senior semester, I had gone to a BYU cheer camp on campus for 4 days and was in HEAVEN I belonged there.... to be continued.

Another dream I had all through high school was to be a UCA Cheerleading staff member. Which is basically a cheerleaders dream job. You literally just get to travel and teach cheerleading to people who love it just as much as you do. And YOU GET PAID, IT'S A JOB!!! I was always told by coaches, choreographers, and other staff members that I would get in so easy and I was so excited. I worked hard to have all of my tumbling, jumps, stunting, cheers and dances ready for my tryout, and had a great tryout! I felt absolutely amazing about how everything went and I got great feedback from the judges.... to be continued.

So here's the part you were all waiting for you. "TO BE CONTINUED"... my letters from both BYU and UCA read (basically) as follows.

Dear Marly,

We are sorry to inform you that you have not been chosen to join our program at this time. We encourage you to reapply in the following years.

Sincerely,
Us

However.... I read it like this.

Dear whoever you are,

Why did you even try? Did you really think any of this was gonna pan out? Like honestly what were you thinking??

Sincerely,
your broken dreams and lost ambitions.

Okay so that sounds a little harsh but honestly getting both of those rejection letters killed me. I took it like a champ and kept moving forward with my life but I really did experience a deep depression about it, especially BYU. I had to redo all of my plans for this fall, where should I go to school? Where do I work? Should I move out? Should I leave AZ? What now?? And for awhile I just tried to not think of any of it. I had other things to think about at that time that were important right then. So I just figured it would all pan out.

I don't want you to think I am still in some awful downward spiral of depression, don't worry I'm stable! Yes, it hurts that nothing I was planning on doing actually happened, it's upsetting that I don't get to move on to the things I told EVERYONE I was gonna do. BUT I AM OKAY, and getting better. Although it doesn't help that every cute boy I meet is going up to BYU this fall. Hmmph.

I sincerely believe that there is a reason that I was made to stay here in AZ, that I was meant to be here for some reason. So I am gonna go with the flow and see where the wind blows me. I have plans for the fall semester and winter semester and when I get to that point I will see where I need to be.

Maybe I'll be doing something awesome and know I should stay here, or maybe I will feel like I should reapply to BYU and go there, maybe (this is a big maybe) I'll get married.

Cross your fingers for me.

Love, the Cat Lady.

It's been awhile...

Okay blog, HI, it's me the Cat Lady. I know we haven't spoken in awhile but I'm here. What's up? I think that I don't write on my blog because people don't actually follow me or anything. I am thinking about cheating on you and opening a tumblr account because I could probably have more followers on there. Who knows though so here I am writing on you. Hmmph. Well, this post is really just to say that a lot has changed, but DON'T YOU WORRY, I'm still the same old cat lady I was last time I posted. BUT I did dye (aka bleach) my hair back to it's former glory. I refuse to accept that it is turning brown like the rest of my family. Oh, and I finished high school. So I'm a grown up now I guess. Hmmmm, weird. Okay, I will post something real next, I promise!

Love,
The Cat Lady.