I'm not bitter but...

So here is the big reveal....

but first let me tell you a little background info (even though no one reads this, I wouldn't want anyone to be confused).

Ever since I was 8 years old I have been a cheerleader. I love love love it. It's my total fave. For a few years (middle school) I stopped cheering, but when my friends convinced me to tryout for the high school squad at the end of my 8th grade year I became hooked again. I did high school cheer for 3 years and now I am in my second year of all-star (competitive) cheer. I was the TOTAL cliché. Cheer captain, blonde, blue eyes etc etc... I even dated the quarter back for awhile. I know, I know... is this really the cat lady talking? yes, that's me. Not what you were expecting? Well keep in mind I said I WAS dating him, past tense. But I digress.

Anyways, around my sophomore year I began my longing to attend BYU (Provo) so that I could study exercise science and wellness, cheer on their National Champion squad, and just be a cool pretty BYU Cougar. So I worked hard, extra-curriculars, honors classes, good letters of recommendation, volunteer work, varsity sports (yes plural, I was a varsity runner on the track team), etc... etc... And for the one semester of my senior year (I graduated a semester early), I worked on that application EVERY DAY during my independent study. My mom reviewed it, my teachers reviewed it, and so on. I had an interview with the stake president and my bishop and felt so strongly that I was MEANT to be there. Prior to my senior semester, I had gone to a BYU cheer camp on campus for 4 days and was in HEAVEN I belonged there.... to be continued.

Another dream I had all through high school was to be a UCA Cheerleading staff member. Which is basically a cheerleaders dream job. You literally just get to travel and teach cheerleading to people who love it just as much as you do. And YOU GET PAID, IT'S A JOB!!! I was always told by coaches, choreographers, and other staff members that I would get in so easy and I was so excited. I worked hard to have all of my tumbling, jumps, stunting, cheers and dances ready for my tryout, and had a great tryout! I felt absolutely amazing about how everything went and I got great feedback from the judges.... to be continued.

So here's the part you were all waiting for you. "TO BE CONTINUED"... my letters from both BYU and UCA read (basically) as follows.

Dear Marly,

We are sorry to inform you that you have not been chosen to join our program at this time. We encourage you to reapply in the following years.

Sincerely,
Us

However.... I read it like this.

Dear whoever you are,

Why did you even try? Did you really think any of this was gonna pan out? Like honestly what were you thinking??

Sincerely,
your broken dreams and lost ambitions.

Okay so that sounds a little harsh but honestly getting both of those rejection letters killed me. I took it like a champ and kept moving forward with my life but I really did experience a deep depression about it, especially BYU. I had to redo all of my plans for this fall, where should I go to school? Where do I work? Should I move out? Should I leave AZ? What now?? And for awhile I just tried to not think of any of it. I had other things to think about at that time that were important right then. So I just figured it would all pan out.

I don't want you to think I am still in some awful downward spiral of depression, don't worry I'm stable! Yes, it hurts that nothing I was planning on doing actually happened, it's upsetting that I don't get to move on to the things I told EVERYONE I was gonna do. BUT I AM OKAY, and getting better. Although it doesn't help that every cute boy I meet is going up to BYU this fall. Hmmph.

I sincerely believe that there is a reason that I was made to stay here in AZ, that I was meant to be here for some reason. So I am gonna go with the flow and see where the wind blows me. I have plans for the fall semester and winter semester and when I get to that point I will see where I need to be.

Maybe I'll be doing something awesome and know I should stay here, or maybe I will feel like I should reapply to BYU and go there, maybe (this is a big maybe) I'll get married.

Cross your fingers for me.

Love, the Cat Lady.

It's been awhile...

Okay blog, HI, it's me the Cat Lady. I know we haven't spoken in awhile but I'm here. What's up? I think that I don't write on my blog because people don't actually follow me or anything. I am thinking about cheating on you and opening a tumblr account because I could probably have more followers on there. Who knows though so here I am writing on you. Hmmph. Well, this post is really just to say that a lot has changed, but DON'T YOU WORRY, I'm still the same old cat lady I was last time I posted. BUT I did dye (aka bleach) my hair back to it's former glory. I refuse to accept that it is turning brown like the rest of my family. Oh, and I finished high school. So I'm a grown up now I guess. Hmmmm, weird. Okay, I will post something real next, I promise!

Love,
The Cat Lady.