I have been thinking of blog posts for a long time but I have so many running through my mind that I can't keep them all straight. Sigh. I sit down to try and start a post but something distracts me or I start thinking of another post that I want to write and can't make up my mind what to write. Then I get frustrated and give up on the whole thing. I am struggling to even get a coherent thought right now. I think it may just be an overdose on summer but I promise I will work on it.
For now I will just say that I am doing well and I am planning on writing a ton more this upcoming semester. My goal is one post a week (this one doesn't count so I will start with a real post on this Friday hopefully. The hardest step to take is the first one but I need to take it because I have so much to say lately.
I look forward to sharing my thoughts with you.
love,
the Cat Lady
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
Finding joy on the sad days.
Okay first of all I have to say that something really cool happened this week- I was at work at the gym working at the front desk when one of the cheer moms I know says "Marly I read your blog" and I was like WHAAAAAAAT omg I didn't think anyone did! So shoutout to you. Also, My best friend made a blog because she thought it was cool that I have been writing on my blog so much lately. So kudos guys.
Okay aside from that little tidbit lets talk about things that make us sad.
I'm joking, lets please NOTTTTT talk about that. Let me tell you about my week though which was full of sad things. Here is how my agenda ended up playing out.
Monday-
--Say goodbye to someone about to go on a mission.
-- Car breaks down
Tuesday-
--Get hit in the face at practice
Wednesday-
--wake up with huge black eye
--Find out car is gonna cost $500 to fix
--Run into a bed frame and cut the crap out of your ankle
Thursday-
--pay for car repair
--Late to work because the 60 was down to one lane RIGHT BY MY HOUSE.
Friday-
--Okay so today wasn't actually that bad it was pretty okay.
So the whole week one thing after another kept piling on top of me. I felt so out of it and so in a funk the whole week. I knew this week would be bad enough with my friend leaving on a mission but seriously???? Why was THIS the week that everything else had to happen??? I was upset, felt like I was in a funk and all of that put together made me miss my friend even more. BUT I MADE A DECISION!
I WILL NOT BE SAD. I WILL NOT LET EVENTS DICTATE HOW I FEEL.
So, I decided to find the little things that I had to be grateful for this week and instead of thinking about getting rid of the bad things I just focused on magnifying the good things.
1. I didn't get to sleep in my comfy bed, but on a mattress in my dads at home office.
BUT I got to hang out with my parents and siblings at their house for a few days and that was a blessing because I wasn't alone to be sad about my friend leaving. I had constant comfort all around me.
2. I didn't have a car to take me to school.
BUT Tina gave me a ride to school Thursday and we got to go out to breakfast and have a good conversation about everything which is something we haven't done in a long time. I love her and our conversations about life.
3. I got a black eye.
BUT I wasn't hurt, it was just an ugly mark that I didn't really care about that much. And I had the opportunity to look kind of tough.
4. I had to pay a load of cash for my car.
BUT I was able to feel more confident in my finances knowing I could take care of problems like this because I hadn't wasted my money on silly things and rather I saved it and kept it there for emergencies. (I feel really good about this one!)
5. I was late to work on Thursday.
BUT I had also left a little later than usual. If I would've left at the regular time I could've been the one in the accident that had caused the 60 to basically shut down. I was blessed to be far away when it happened.
I don't believe that things happen just to piss us off. As frustrated as I get about things I know that God believes in me enough to give me hard trials to remind me how much he believes in me. I love my Savior and the wonderful and mysterious ways he reminds me that he has got everything under control.
SO, next time you feel like the sky is just raining down on you, look for the happiness in the bad and the blessings in the sad.
Love, The Cat Lady
Here's my black eye from this week. I love it.
Okay aside from that little tidbit lets talk about things that make us sad.
I'm joking, lets please NOTTTTT talk about that. Let me tell you about my week though which was full of sad things. Here is how my agenda ended up playing out.
Monday-
--Say goodbye to someone about to go on a mission.
-- Car breaks down
Tuesday-
--Get hit in the face at practice
Wednesday-
--wake up with huge black eye
--Find out car is gonna cost $500 to fix
--Run into a bed frame and cut the crap out of your ankle
Thursday-
--pay for car repair
--Late to work because the 60 was down to one lane RIGHT BY MY HOUSE.
Friday-
--Okay so today wasn't actually that bad it was pretty okay.
So the whole week one thing after another kept piling on top of me. I felt so out of it and so in a funk the whole week. I knew this week would be bad enough with my friend leaving on a mission but seriously???? Why was THIS the week that everything else had to happen??? I was upset, felt like I was in a funk and all of that put together made me miss my friend even more. BUT I MADE A DECISION!
I WILL NOT BE SAD. I WILL NOT LET EVENTS DICTATE HOW I FEEL.
So, I decided to find the little things that I had to be grateful for this week and instead of thinking about getting rid of the bad things I just focused on magnifying the good things.
1. I didn't get to sleep in my comfy bed, but on a mattress in my dads at home office.
BUT I got to hang out with my parents and siblings at their house for a few days and that was a blessing because I wasn't alone to be sad about my friend leaving. I had constant comfort all around me.
2. I didn't have a car to take me to school.
BUT Tina gave me a ride to school Thursday and we got to go out to breakfast and have a good conversation about everything which is something we haven't done in a long time. I love her and our conversations about life.
3. I got a black eye.
BUT I wasn't hurt, it was just an ugly mark that I didn't really care about that much. And I had the opportunity to look kind of tough.
4. I had to pay a load of cash for my car.
BUT I was able to feel more confident in my finances knowing I could take care of problems like this because I hadn't wasted my money on silly things and rather I saved it and kept it there for emergencies. (I feel really good about this one!)
5. I was late to work on Thursday.
BUT I had also left a little later than usual. If I would've left at the regular time I could've been the one in the accident that had caused the 60 to basically shut down. I was blessed to be far away when it happened.
I don't believe that things happen just to piss us off. As frustrated as I get about things I know that God believes in me enough to give me hard trials to remind me how much he believes in me. I love my Savior and the wonderful and mysterious ways he reminds me that he has got everything under control.
SO, next time you feel like the sky is just raining down on you, look for the happiness in the bad and the blessings in the sad.
Love, The Cat Lady
Thursday, February 27, 2014
You can't always have your cake and eat it too. (and that's okay!)
When I was 12 I had the BigGGEEESssstttt crush on a boy, we "dated" (if it can even be called that at age 12-14), and then right before my freshman year we broke up. I was DISTRAUGHT, I was so convinced I was gonna marry him and that I would live happily ever after with this guy. But guess what! I didn't get what I wanted, what I thought would make me happy.
AND THAT'S OKAY.
Fast forward to the tail end of high school. I 1. didn't get into BYU and 2. Didn't get the job with UCA. All that I had wanted and planned for in 3 years of high school slipped through my fingers in an instant. Once again, I didn't get what I wanted, what I thought would make me happy.
BUT
THAT'S OKAY.
I am blessed beyond anything I could imagine, and I want to remind my readers (if they do indeed exist) that I am HaPPPyyy!! And that is why I want to tell you about not getting what you want and why it is perfectly okay.
Alright, rewind (once again) to the summer of 2013. I had been out of high school for a semester, was going to singles ward, was dating a bit, and was having a pretty great summer all in all. Good friends and great memories all around. However, as the summer went on and my dating life was not going anywhere I began to feel a nagging. Why wasn't I seriously dating someone? All of my friends are in serious relationships, why aren't I in one?? Why am I not engaged?? I was obsessed with the idea of being engaged, being married. I was even to the point that I would not even talk to a boy if he wasn't 1. a member and 2. already home from a mission. So, this feeling got even stronger as time went on. The more time I spent single the more time I felt bad about myself. I reached a deep low around the time the fall semester started. I didn't talk about it much if at all but I had become depressed about it. I was always so down on myself for not being where I thought I should be and had a really hard time dealing with it all.
Then I met a person.
A person, a guy. Cute, funny, and LDS. I thought Jackpot! What a cool guy, I could totally get to know this guy. Then I heard the fateful words: "I turned in my mission papers this week!" he announced it in institute one day (If I remember correctly). An automatic switch went off in my head and my previous excitement of having made a new guy friend vanished. I told myself to not even bother talking to him, he was going on a mission and I needed to get married NOW not later. Not in two years. So I tried to do that, I tried to only talk to the other guys in the class, become close to them, but something kept drawing me back to him. He was just so... GOOD. Like so Christ like and so kind. His testimony was so strong and though I had never really taken interest in a guy because of his testimony, I was drawn to him for it. Being around him felt good because he was just so good and was always striving to be better. Aside from his looks and his humor he made me want to be like Christ. We became good friends, we always had good talks about the Gospel and about life. We always had fun when we were together and he always made me laugh. The closer we became the better I felt, I wasn't so worried anymore, I was okay. Now, don't get me wrong there where plenty of tears and heartache about the whole thing (on my part), but it was still okay.
Knowing this person helped me to figure out that it is okay that I am not seriously dating, or engaged. By showing me someone who was in a completely different stage in their life (and who probably didn't even think of me the same in the first place), the Lord told me in a way that I finally understood that it was okay that I wasn't engaged or married. That where I am right now is exactly where he planned for me to be and as long as I continue to work hard and follow him He's gonna take care of the rest. Knowing this person helped me reconnect with the Lord and how important he is to my happiness rather than how important boys are to my happiness.
So thank you person, for helping me learn and grow by not giving me what I want. Hahaha.
So once again I don't get what I want, but guess what!
That's okay.
Love,
The Cat Lady
And here's a super cute throwback for y'all to enjoy.
AND THAT'S OKAY.
Fast forward to the tail end of high school. I 1. didn't get into BYU and 2. Didn't get the job with UCA. All that I had wanted and planned for in 3 years of high school slipped through my fingers in an instant. Once again, I didn't get what I wanted, what I thought would make me happy.
BUT
THAT'S OKAY.
I am blessed beyond anything I could imagine, and I want to remind my readers (if they do indeed exist) that I am HaPPPyyy!! And that is why I want to tell you about not getting what you want and why it is perfectly okay.
Alright, rewind (once again) to the summer of 2013. I had been out of high school for a semester, was going to singles ward, was dating a bit, and was having a pretty great summer all in all. Good friends and great memories all around. However, as the summer went on and my dating life was not going anywhere I began to feel a nagging. Why wasn't I seriously dating someone? All of my friends are in serious relationships, why aren't I in one?? Why am I not engaged?? I was obsessed with the idea of being engaged, being married. I was even to the point that I would not even talk to a boy if he wasn't 1. a member and 2. already home from a mission. So, this feeling got even stronger as time went on. The more time I spent single the more time I felt bad about myself. I reached a deep low around the time the fall semester started. I didn't talk about it much if at all but I had become depressed about it. I was always so down on myself for not being where I thought I should be and had a really hard time dealing with it all.
Then I met a person.
A person, a guy. Cute, funny, and LDS. I thought Jackpot! What a cool guy, I could totally get to know this guy. Then I heard the fateful words: "I turned in my mission papers this week!" he announced it in institute one day (If I remember correctly). An automatic switch went off in my head and my previous excitement of having made a new guy friend vanished. I told myself to not even bother talking to him, he was going on a mission and I needed to get married NOW not later. Not in two years. So I tried to do that, I tried to only talk to the other guys in the class, become close to them, but something kept drawing me back to him. He was just so... GOOD. Like so Christ like and so kind. His testimony was so strong and though I had never really taken interest in a guy because of his testimony, I was drawn to him for it. Being around him felt good because he was just so good and was always striving to be better. Aside from his looks and his humor he made me want to be like Christ. We became good friends, we always had good talks about the Gospel and about life. We always had fun when we were together and he always made me laugh. The closer we became the better I felt, I wasn't so worried anymore, I was okay. Now, don't get me wrong there where plenty of tears and heartache about the whole thing (on my part), but it was still okay.
Knowing this person helped me to figure out that it is okay that I am not seriously dating, or engaged. By showing me someone who was in a completely different stage in their life (and who probably didn't even think of me the same in the first place), the Lord told me in a way that I finally understood that it was okay that I wasn't engaged or married. That where I am right now is exactly where he planned for me to be and as long as I continue to work hard and follow him He's gonna take care of the rest. Knowing this person helped me reconnect with the Lord and how important he is to my happiness rather than how important boys are to my happiness.
So thank you person, for helping me learn and grow by not giving me what I want. Hahaha.
So once again I don't get what I want, but guess what!
That's okay.
Love,
The Cat Lady
Thursday, January 30, 2014
3 cheers to 10 years; my epilepsy story.
Looking back on the last 19 years of my life there are so many great memories. I have had a very full very blessed life that has made me the person I am today, however with all of the good also comes bad. When I was very young I got a series of high fevers and when I was 2 or 3 I had my first seizure followed shortly after by a few more and then a 5 day stay in the hospital. People may think I am crazy but I do remember bits and pieces of early childhood. The strangest little things stick in my mind and maybe they didn't happen but I am convince they are real. Anyways, I remember being in the hospital because I remember my grandma taking me to the play room once when I was feeling better, and being visited by the dogs that come to make the patients feel better. (I know the dog visit was real because I have pictures to prove it!).
After that visit I didn't have any seizures for about 8 years. Then my brother found me seizing early in the morning while him and I and all our siblings plus a bunch of cousins slept in our grandmas front room. Vance just happened to wake up and find me that way. It was a blessing because I was lying on my back and could've easily choked while laying there. I was very lucky he woke up.
Since I was having a large seizure I don't remember leaving the house. However I did wake up at one point on the drive to the local hospital. I was lying down in the back seat of my grandmas car on my dads lap. I felt sick and SOOO tired. I saw my dad and assumed my mom was driving and then I must have had another seizure or fallen asleep because I don't remember entering the hospital. I do have a lot of memories of that hospital visit. I remember getting an MRI, being in a wheelchair and throwing up. I also remember apple juice being given to me and to this day I don't really like apple juice because I associate it with that hospital visit.
My next visit I remember very well. I remember waking up in the ambulance and being HORRIFIED. I still can't see an ambulance without remembering waking up in the ambulance and thinking "this is a nightmare". That visit was about 2 weeks. I remember being so frustrated because I was having so many seizures. My parents say I was having one every 20 minutes. In almost every seizure I was having I was incontinent (had no control on my bladder) and so I remember how often I had to change my clothes, my sheets, and my underwear. Eventually I did have to wear pullups and I was MORTIFIED by that. I couldn't be left alone, I had seizures whether I was awake or asleep, I had to have help taking a shower or walking places. I was in the 3rd grade and couldn't take care of myself it was horrible and I think that this time in my life was what made me want so badly to be self-dependent. I had so many people to take care of me but I didn't want to be a burden. I felt like that a lot. I remember more little things about that hospital visit. My 2nd grade teacher and his kids came to visit me and brought me presents. My cheer squad and the football team we cheered for had their team party while I was in the hospital and they called me and yelled all together "get well soon" and "we love you" and other sweet things I was so happy to hear. Then our head football coach and his family (The Whitings who are still some of our closest friends) came and gave me my trophy and a few other things. I also remember my dad taking me to the play room, but most of the things in their were for little kids so we colored in some coloring books and I thought it was so funny. I'm glad I remember the happy parts of my stay because I do still remember the harder parts.
After this visit I had to stay home from school for another 2 weeks. Upon return to school (and for many years after) I had to have meetings with my teacher, the specials teachers, and other adults who would be around me at school to explain to them what it all meant and what they should do. I remember my mom having me explain it all to them and though I was probably not so happy about it at the time I am really glad she put it on me to be responsible for it all because it made me take ownership and made me more mature about what all was going on. The rest of the 3rd grade was a roller coaster. I remember how my medicine made me feel sad or mad, and how it changed my personality. The worst part of it all though was wearing pull-ups to school. It was something that bothered me for years and years afterwards. I didn't want ANYONE to know. It wasn't until a few years ago that I even started telling people about all of the "details" of what a seizure was. I was afraid for so long that people would make fun of me for peeing my pants. It was embarrassing and I was ashamed. But eventually I realized that I needed to stop being so embarrassed and own up to it and embrace it. Heck yeah I have epilepsy and heck yeah I am still awesome. Now I can even make jokes. My very favorite is when people joke and pretend to be having a seizure and I pipe in and say "you know, that is really offensive to me because I have epilepsy" very matter-of-factly. The expression on their face is so PRICELESS. Then I say "I'm totally messing with you, I do have epilepsy but we can totally joke about it". I love feeling confident enough to do that.
One year after my last seizure (9 years ago) my teacher invited all of the kids to come in and have lunch in the classroom with her (that was a cool thing to do back then) she then explained to everyone that it was my one year anniversary and that we were going to celebrate. She brought cookies for the whole class and we all ate lunch together. One year was such a big deal to all of us, we even had a party at my house and a lot of people came to celebrate with me.
I was blessed to have an incredible support system behind me my family, friends, teachers and administrators, my church leaders, my incredible neurologist, the amazing nurses and doctors who took care of me in the hospital and most of all my Heavenly Father. I was blessed throughout my struggles by people the Lord put into my life for obvious reasons.
I don't know what will happen in the future. Since we aren't completely sure of what triggers my seizures we aren't sure if and when they will come back. I can't say that I am completely confident that my seizures won't come back, to be honest when I go to places like lazer tag that have "those with epilepsy should not participate in this activity" warnings, I get a little nervous. However, all of my worries are accompanied by the feeling of readiness. We know what to do now, and we know how to deal with it. I live with the possibility of my seizures everyday but I don't fear them anymore.
If you would like to know more about epilepsy: ASK ME. Or go to: http://www.epilepsy.com/ for more information.
After that visit I didn't have any seizures for about 8 years. Then my brother found me seizing early in the morning while him and I and all our siblings plus a bunch of cousins slept in our grandmas front room. Vance just happened to wake up and find me that way. It was a blessing because I was lying on my back and could've easily choked while laying there. I was very lucky he woke up.
Since I was having a large seizure I don't remember leaving the house. However I did wake up at one point on the drive to the local hospital. I was lying down in the back seat of my grandmas car on my dads lap. I felt sick and SOOO tired. I saw my dad and assumed my mom was driving and then I must have had another seizure or fallen asleep because I don't remember entering the hospital. I do have a lot of memories of that hospital visit. I remember getting an MRI, being in a wheelchair and throwing up. I also remember apple juice being given to me and to this day I don't really like apple juice because I associate it with that hospital visit.
My next visit I remember very well. I remember waking up in the ambulance and being HORRIFIED. I still can't see an ambulance without remembering waking up in the ambulance and thinking "this is a nightmare". That visit was about 2 weeks. I remember being so frustrated because I was having so many seizures. My parents say I was having one every 20 minutes. In almost every seizure I was having I was incontinent (had no control on my bladder) and so I remember how often I had to change my clothes, my sheets, and my underwear. Eventually I did have to wear pullups and I was MORTIFIED by that. I couldn't be left alone, I had seizures whether I was awake or asleep, I had to have help taking a shower or walking places. I was in the 3rd grade and couldn't take care of myself it was horrible and I think that this time in my life was what made me want so badly to be self-dependent. I had so many people to take care of me but I didn't want to be a burden. I felt like that a lot. I remember more little things about that hospital visit. My 2nd grade teacher and his kids came to visit me and brought me presents. My cheer squad and the football team we cheered for had their team party while I was in the hospital and they called me and yelled all together "get well soon" and "we love you" and other sweet things I was so happy to hear. Then our head football coach and his family (The Whitings who are still some of our closest friends) came and gave me my trophy and a few other things. I also remember my dad taking me to the play room, but most of the things in their were for little kids so we colored in some coloring books and I thought it was so funny. I'm glad I remember the happy parts of my stay because I do still remember the harder parts.
After this visit I had to stay home from school for another 2 weeks. Upon return to school (and for many years after) I had to have meetings with my teacher, the specials teachers, and other adults who would be around me at school to explain to them what it all meant and what they should do. I remember my mom having me explain it all to them and though I was probably not so happy about it at the time I am really glad she put it on me to be responsible for it all because it made me take ownership and made me more mature about what all was going on. The rest of the 3rd grade was a roller coaster. I remember how my medicine made me feel sad or mad, and how it changed my personality. The worst part of it all though was wearing pull-ups to school. It was something that bothered me for years and years afterwards. I didn't want ANYONE to know. It wasn't until a few years ago that I even started telling people about all of the "details" of what a seizure was. I was afraid for so long that people would make fun of me for peeing my pants. It was embarrassing and I was ashamed. But eventually I realized that I needed to stop being so embarrassed and own up to it and embrace it. Heck yeah I have epilepsy and heck yeah I am still awesome. Now I can even make jokes. My very favorite is when people joke and pretend to be having a seizure and I pipe in and say "you know, that is really offensive to me because I have epilepsy" very matter-of-factly. The expression on their face is so PRICELESS. Then I say "I'm totally messing with you, I do have epilepsy but we can totally joke about it". I love feeling confident enough to do that.
One year after my last seizure (9 years ago) my teacher invited all of the kids to come in and have lunch in the classroom with her (that was a cool thing to do back then) she then explained to everyone that it was my one year anniversary and that we were going to celebrate. She brought cookies for the whole class and we all ate lunch together. One year was such a big deal to all of us, we even had a party at my house and a lot of people came to celebrate with me.
I was blessed to have an incredible support system behind me my family, friends, teachers and administrators, my church leaders, my incredible neurologist, the amazing nurses and doctors who took care of me in the hospital and most of all my Heavenly Father. I was blessed throughout my struggles by people the Lord put into my life for obvious reasons.
I don't know what will happen in the future. Since we aren't completely sure of what triggers my seizures we aren't sure if and when they will come back. I can't say that I am completely confident that my seizures won't come back, to be honest when I go to places like lazer tag that have "those with epilepsy should not participate in this activity" warnings, I get a little nervous. However, all of my worries are accompanied by the feeling of readiness. We know what to do now, and we know how to deal with it. I live with the possibility of my seizures everyday but I don't fear them anymore.
If you would like to know more about epilepsy: ASK ME. Or go to: http://www.epilepsy.com/ for more information.
Love, The Cat Lady
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Fitting Your Life In Boxes
So as I was thinking about my last post (Growing Up is Awkward) I was thinking that I didn't really say all that I wanted to... so after adding more thought to what I meant to say, here I go again, the cat lady writes...
On Monday night I went to walmart and bought a big storage tote (37 gallons to be exact) and I bought it for the specific purpose of storing things that were important to me but that couldn't be taken to my new house (decorations, books, cheer stuff, pictures, etc...) I got home pretty late but decided I wanted to finish up all the packing since the next day was new years eve and I imagined I would be doing fun stuff and wouldn't want to pack (I was wrong). After about an hour of purging all of my stuff I fit everything into this box. On the other side of my room I had a few boxes I was bringing to my new house all ready to be loaded up and taken to my new house. I sat on the floor in the middle of my room and looked at the boxes, had I really just fit all of the things that are important to me, that tell my story and that describe me in a few boxes and bags? I think that moment was the first that I really felt sad about growing up. It seemed so sad that I had fit so many years in so few boxes. I feel like my life has been so full and wonderful but how is it that I fit it all into so little? To be completely honest at first it made me feel like I had very little to show for the last 19 years. But then I started looking at growing up a little differently while I looked at the boxes. The physical things that I fit into boxes aren't the only things that describe my life, they aren't the things that are the most important parts of the last 19 years. My life NOW is what shows what the last 19 years have been about. The way I live now reflect the most important parts of my 19 years not the pictures, decorations, or momentos from then. Growing up isn't about moving out of your parents house or going to college it's about finally figuring out how to take all of the things you learned previously and make yourself become a person that you can respect. It doesn't matter what physical things you have to show for the last 19 or so years because physical things don't determine whether you're an adult or not.
Like I said before, growing up is awkward. It's uncomfortable and makes the first 19 years of your life seem so strange because EVERYTHING CHANGES, and a lot of the things you learned about "life" before now do not apply when it really comes down to it. But, the shift makes sense once you think about how you fit everything in boxes and how just like that you are fitting 19 years of life in your new self. You are reflecting your previous life through your new grown up life. So, if you are not at the grown up stage yet, make sure these first 19 years or so are awesome but that they are also what you want to later reflect, you don't want your life to be like a bad facebook picture, popping up years later and embarrassing you. And if you are in the awkward growing up stage, relax, take a deep breath, and let yourself be a grown up even if that means letting your old self slip away just a tiny bit.
Life is a lot different now, but I had a good first 19 years and I hope because of the decisions I made then, I will be able to make even better ones now.
Tata,
The Cat Lady
On Monday night I went to walmart and bought a big storage tote (37 gallons to be exact) and I bought it for the specific purpose of storing things that were important to me but that couldn't be taken to my new house (decorations, books, cheer stuff, pictures, etc...) I got home pretty late but decided I wanted to finish up all the packing since the next day was new years eve and I imagined I would be doing fun stuff and wouldn't want to pack (I was wrong). After about an hour of purging all of my stuff I fit everything into this box. On the other side of my room I had a few boxes I was bringing to my new house all ready to be loaded up and taken to my new house. I sat on the floor in the middle of my room and looked at the boxes, had I really just fit all of the things that are important to me, that tell my story and that describe me in a few boxes and bags? I think that moment was the first that I really felt sad about growing up. It seemed so sad that I had fit so many years in so few boxes. I feel like my life has been so full and wonderful but how is it that I fit it all into so little? To be completely honest at first it made me feel like I had very little to show for the last 19 years. But then I started looking at growing up a little differently while I looked at the boxes. The physical things that I fit into boxes aren't the only things that describe my life, they aren't the things that are the most important parts of the last 19 years. My life NOW is what shows what the last 19 years have been about. The way I live now reflect the most important parts of my 19 years not the pictures, decorations, or momentos from then. Growing up isn't about moving out of your parents house or going to college it's about finally figuring out how to take all of the things you learned previously and make yourself become a person that you can respect. It doesn't matter what physical things you have to show for the last 19 or so years because physical things don't determine whether you're an adult or not.
Like I said before, growing up is awkward. It's uncomfortable and makes the first 19 years of your life seem so strange because EVERYTHING CHANGES, and a lot of the things you learned about "life" before now do not apply when it really comes down to it. But, the shift makes sense once you think about how you fit everything in boxes and how just like that you are fitting 19 years of life in your new self. You are reflecting your previous life through your new grown up life. So, if you are not at the grown up stage yet, make sure these first 19 years or so are awesome but that they are also what you want to later reflect, you don't want your life to be like a bad facebook picture, popping up years later and embarrassing you. And if you are in the awkward growing up stage, relax, take a deep breath, and let yourself be a grown up even if that means letting your old self slip away just a tiny bit.
Life is a lot different now, but I had a good first 19 years and I hope because of the decisions I made then, I will be able to make even better ones now.
Tata,
The Cat Lady
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