AND THAT'S OKAY.
Fast forward to the tail end of high school. I 1. didn't get into BYU and 2. Didn't get the job with UCA. All that I had wanted and planned for in 3 years of high school slipped through my fingers in an instant. Once again, I didn't get what I wanted, what I thought would make me happy.
BUT
THAT'S OKAY.
I am blessed beyond anything I could imagine, and I want to remind my readers (if they do indeed exist) that I am HaPPPyyy!! And that is why I want to tell you about not getting what you want and why it is perfectly okay.
Alright, rewind (once again) to the summer of 2013. I had been out of high school for a semester, was going to singles ward, was dating a bit, and was having a pretty great summer all in all. Good friends and great memories all around. However, as the summer went on and my dating life was not going anywhere I began to feel a nagging. Why wasn't I seriously dating someone? All of my friends are in serious relationships, why aren't I in one?? Why am I not engaged?? I was obsessed with the idea of being engaged, being married. I was even to the point that I would not even talk to a boy if he wasn't 1. a member and 2. already home from a mission. So, this feeling got even stronger as time went on. The more time I spent single the more time I felt bad about myself. I reached a deep low around the time the fall semester started. I didn't talk about it much if at all but I had become depressed about it. I was always so down on myself for not being where I thought I should be and had a really hard time dealing with it all.
Then I met a person.
A person, a guy. Cute, funny, and LDS. I thought Jackpot! What a cool guy, I could totally get to know this guy. Then I heard the fateful words: "I turned in my mission papers this week!" he announced it in institute one day (If I remember correctly). An automatic switch went off in my head and my previous excitement of having made a new guy friend vanished. I told myself to not even bother talking to him, he was going on a mission and I needed to get married NOW not later. Not in two years. So I tried to do that, I tried to only talk to the other guys in the class, become close to them, but something kept drawing me back to him. He was just so... GOOD. Like so Christ like and so kind. His testimony was so strong and though I had never really taken interest in a guy because of his testimony, I was drawn to him for it. Being around him felt good because he was just so good and was always striving to be better. Aside from his looks and his humor he made me want to be like Christ. We became good friends, we always had good talks about the Gospel and about life. We always had fun when we were together and he always made me laugh. The closer we became the better I felt, I wasn't so worried anymore, I was okay. Now, don't get me wrong there where plenty of tears and heartache about the whole thing (on my part), but it was still okay.
Knowing this person helped me to figure out that it is okay that I am not seriously dating, or engaged. By showing me someone who was in a completely different stage in their life (and who probably didn't even think of me the same in the first place), the Lord told me in a way that I finally understood that it was okay that I wasn't engaged or married. That where I am right now is exactly where he planned for me to be and as long as I continue to work hard and follow him He's gonna take care of the rest. Knowing this person helped me reconnect with the Lord and how important he is to my happiness rather than how important boys are to my happiness.
So thank you person, for helping me learn and grow by not giving me what I want. Hahaha.
So once again I don't get what I want, but guess what!
That's okay.
Love,
The Cat Lady
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