On Monday night I went to walmart and bought a big storage tote (37 gallons to be exact) and I bought it for the specific purpose of storing things that were important to me but that couldn't be taken to my new house (decorations, books, cheer stuff, pictures, etc...) I got home pretty late but decided I wanted to finish up all the packing since the next day was new years eve and I imagined I would be doing fun stuff and wouldn't want to pack (I was wrong). After about an hour of purging all of my stuff I fit everything into this box. On the other side of my room I had a few boxes I was bringing to my new house all ready to be loaded up and taken to my new house. I sat on the floor in the middle of my room and looked at the boxes, had I really just fit all of the things that are important to me, that tell my story and that describe me in a few boxes and bags? I think that moment was the first that I really felt sad about growing up. It seemed so sad that I had fit so many years in so few boxes. I feel like my life has been so full and wonderful but how is it that I fit it all into so little? To be completely honest at first it made me feel like I had very little to show for the last 19 years. But then I started looking at growing up a little differently while I looked at the boxes. The physical things that I fit into boxes aren't the only things that describe my life, they aren't the things that are the most important parts of the last 19 years. My life NOW is what shows what the last 19 years have been about. The way I live now reflect the most important parts of my 19 years not the pictures, decorations, or momentos from then. Growing up isn't about moving out of your parents house or going to college it's about finally figuring out how to take all of the things you learned previously and make yourself become a person that you can respect. It doesn't matter what physical things you have to show for the last 19 or so years because physical things don't determine whether you're an adult or not.
Like I said before, growing up is awkward. It's uncomfortable and makes the first 19 years of your life seem so strange because EVERYTHING CHANGES, and a lot of the things you learned about "life" before now do not apply when it really comes down to it. But, the shift makes sense once you think about how you fit everything in boxes and how just like that you are fitting 19 years of life in your new self. You are reflecting your previous life through your new grown up life. So, if you are not at the grown up stage yet, make sure these first 19 years or so are awesome but that they are also what you want to later reflect, you don't want your life to be like a bad facebook picture, popping up years later and embarrassing you. And if you are in the awkward growing up stage, relax, take a deep breath, and let yourself be a grown up even if that means letting your old self slip away just a tiny bit.
Life is a lot different now, but I had a good first 19 years and I hope because of the decisions I made then, I will be able to make even better ones now.
Tata,
The Cat Lady
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