Please think before you ask.

My whole life I have been LDS, I love my religion and have embraced it my entire life with a love and passion. I have not ever felt like I had to lower my standards for people in order to be their friends. I absolutely feel safe and loved in my religion and love being who I am and standing for what I stand for. I would not trade it for the world. This post is not in any way a negative view on my church or what I believe in. If you have any questions about the LDS church please do not hesitate to ask, or you can simply go to www.mormon.org

With that said, I want to talk about something that has been on my mind a lot lately.

My whole life I have heard the jokes about Mormons being married young. When I was about to finish high school instead of talking about college with adults I knew I was always just told "oh you'll be married right away". Hardy har har I get it. Getting married early is just what everyone expects us to do right??

WELL. Guess who did not get married yet? Me. I know I talked about it in an earlier post but this expectation to be married right away led me to into a very bad place. I was so destroyed by the fact that I wasn't dating or married or anything right away. It made me feel inadequate and it made me feel like I was not doing what I was supposed to do. Like I was failing.

I ALREADY FELT BAD ABOUT MYSELF.

I AM FULLY AWARE OF THE FACT THAT I WAS NOT MARRIED.

Now lets add on another point of controversy; I am not on a mission nor am I planning on serving a mission. This has nothing to do with me not being worthy of serving a mission or attending the temple. It is a personal decision that I made long before the age change. I have never planned on serving a mission. It has never been something that I felt like I needed to do. It just isn't what I am meant to do right now in my life.

My whole life I have worked hard at school, I have gotten good grades and I have tried to be a good student. I graduated high school a semester early and without hesitation jumped right into college. I have always planned to go to college. Even when I was really young I wanted to go to college. In elementary school I did research on colleges because I wanted to be a fashion designer so I told everyone I was going to school for fashion merchandising (???). And though that isn't my chosen degree path now I am still constantly reaffirmed in my dedication to going to school to earn my degree. I already had this plan long before the age change of sister missionaries. This isn't something I made up along the way or something I am just doing on a whim or because my parents are forcing me to. And it is absolutely not just an excuse I am using to avoid a mission. And lets get another thing clear, I don't actually even like school. But I do understand how important it is to earn a degree and how important it is to do well in school while striving for that degree. This has always been my plan and marriage was just something that I planned on tackling while attending college. My plan was set long before I was old enough to carry it out because that is just who I am and that is how I have always approached my goals.

This resolve for an education coupled with the independence and stubbornness that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with has made for a very interesting young adult life so far.

Everyone is different, every person has their own plan for their life that they have aligned with what they feel is the plan that Heavenly Father has set for them. I feel confident in my choices that I have made for my myself, I do not feel that I am doing the wrong thing by not getting married yet and I don't think that I'm not married yet because I'm "not trying hard enough". I think that right now the Lord is preparing me and that when I am ready I will get married. I also don't think that I was wrong in the decision I made to stay home and not serve a mission, I think missions are fantastic. I have seen people become great and powerful by serving a mission and I know that people who have served missions are blessed beyond belief for their service. But I also know that if a mission isn't the right choice for you, then you shouldn't be on a mission. And that the decision whether or not you are serving a mission should be between you and the Lord, and shouldn't be influenced or forced by anyone else. Simple as that.

I have seen so many people my age rush into making decisions on marriage or serving a mission only to realize they hadn't made the correct decision. This has caused unbelievable heartbreak for them in many cases. I have thoughtfully and prayerfully considered my decisions and I have counseled with the Lord many times to make sure I am always aligning my life with his plan. I have sought out counsel with my bishop and members of my bishopric and had great conversations with them. I have fasted for and received a confirmation about my decisions. I have studied my patriarchal blessing and my scriptures in order to understand more fully the life the Savior has planned for me. I have gained a great understanding of how fantastic that plan is and I am doing all that I can right now in order to be worthy of that plan as it unravels.

Now lets get back to the title of my rant: Please think before you ask.

On a regular basis I am asked about who I am dating. When I tell them I'm not dating anyone then the conversation automatically turns to WHY am I not dating (how am I supposed to answer that??) Then when that conversation gets nowhere I am asked if I am planning on serving a mission, to which I answer, a simple polite no. And then I am faced with some super fun remarks like, "So you aren't DOING ANYTHING then??"or "You're Just hanging out??" Yes. That is what I am doing. Just hanging out and not doing anything. I am just chillin', hanging around waiting for things to work themselves out for me, waiting for Mr. Right to just walk up and save me, ya know cause that's obviously what I meant when I said I wasn't dating anyone and wasn't going on a mission RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT. Because what else is there to do if I'm not doing these two things? What could possibly be meaningful in comparison to these 2 life events?

I know that people are just asking because they are curious and that, (in most cases) they don't mean to be rude or demeaning towards me. And they almost never mean to hurt my feelings or put me down. And I think that they don't even realize what these questions/assumptions do to peoples feelings. I don't mean to write this post to condemn the people that ask young Mormon girls (and boys too) these kinds of questions. Rather, I am writing this to help people understand where I stand and how I feel. I know a lot of people feel the exact same way about being asked these questions and I know it bothers them just as much as it bothers me. There are plenty of young people out there that are doing other worthy things to occupy their time as they prepare for the next step in their life. Whether that be marriage or a mission or something else.

It is perfectly okay to ask about what I am doing and what is going on with me, because I know my life is so interesting and you're just dying to know (kidding, obviously). BUT, Are you asking me these questions with the resolve to be supportive of my righteous decisions no matter what they may be? Are you truly interested in WHY I am doing what I am doing, or more interested in why I am NOT doing what the majority says I should be? We sometimes focus so much on what the majority is doing that we often forget that there are other paths that people can take that are just as righteous as the common or "expected" ones.

Please remember this.



Love,
The Cat Lady